sleepover partay. woohoo!

After 2 weeks of rest and recovery (from my most recent hospital stay I talked about in this post) at the parent's house in Statesboro, my stubborn "me must be independent" attitude kicked in. I packed my bags to head home to Savannah and then it came to me, "ummm I can't drive, I can't cook for myself, I'm on pain meds, blah blah blah" Ugh. What to do now? I love being with my parents, don't get me wrong. (hi mom, I love you. and yes, I know you are reading this) I am just so stinking fiercely independent and lets be real, I also wanted to be closer to my friend-amily (friends I call family) and boyfriend ben. But it looked as if little baby birdy wasn't leaving the nest just yet.

And then.....Wah-lah! My very best special friend Casey, whom I happen to adore, told me, yes told me, I was to come to Savannah and stay with her and her family (that I also adore). And peeps, who was I to argue? I was headed to Savannah. 

So that was last Friday. Yes, I have been here, sleeping on their leathery couch (I happen to love sleeping on a couch) watching army wives on netflix for a week. And no, they haven't kicked me out yet. Don't worry, don't worry I'm not planning on mooching or planting my cute butt here permanently. Just until I am able to take care of myself, which is this weekend most likely. And it kinda makes me sad, I have truly enjoyed my time here with the Sanders clan. I would like to think the feeling is mutual. :) 

So here are some reasons the Sanders rock and some things I particularly enjoyed about my stay here..

1. They took me in without a moment's hesitation. And did I mention they have a toddler (that is (P)recious) and a brand new baby? Yeah, rockstars they are. 

2. Since the time Casey and I became friends, she has loved me unconditionally and been one of the best friends I have had. Very loyal, that Casey. Actually come to think of it, their WHOLE family has been that way to me. Love.

3. Casey makes me snort laugh. 

4. They actually cook dinner around here. Doesn't happen too much around my apartment. 

5. Army Wives on netflix

6. Watching American Idol...and all of our special critiquing of each singer. FYI Sanders clan are very talented musicians. So, their critiques actually were valid...much different than my "oh she's so pitchy tonight!" or "he needs teeth whitener". 

7. Getting to know new baby L and spending time with sweet P. 

Just being around my peeps has done wonders for this sick girl. I've said it before and I will say it again, God has blessed me with some sweet-tastic friends. I simply could not be who I am or persevere through tough circumstance without them all. Nothing is by accident, its all apart of an awesome plan. And I am proud and humbled to be apart of it. Love you Sanders fam. 

tehehe... 

living abundantly, 

Dana

P.S. Don't forget about the upcoming fundraiser being held for me (yay!) (how cool!) (how very sweet!) on Saturday, March 26th. All proceeds go towards medical expenses.
To buy your ticket or raffle ticket contact Josh Whitfield at joshwhitfield@gmail.com and check out the facebook invite here!

spring break 2011! oh wait..

This coming week should be my Spring Break!! Cue pictures of me hanging ten at the beach...

But wait...I'm not on spring break. Huh?! Say Whaaa?! (more on this later..) And no, that picture is not actually of me. Not like I ever spent time "hanging ten"on my past spring breaks anyway but that is not the point. So as you learned in my last post, I am having major surgery next month (NEXT month?! eeek. deep breaths, deep breaths) and was in the hospital for most of february and just now starting to get back to 'normal'.

Therefore, after much prayer and discussion with my family and professors, I have decided to take a medical withdrawal from this semester of grad school. Which because of the way my specific program is designed, I have to take courses in a rotation. I also cannot be placed in my externships without certain prerequisites. So basically how that works out for me is...I can't go back until next spring. Gulp.

What you must understand about me is this, I am one of the most goal driven, plan-based people you will ever meet. Ever. Meet. I must have a "purpose" and a "plan". For the past 6 years, and really my whole life, my purpose (as far as careers etc go...not my purpose as a human.) has been education and work. So this whole, "taking a break from school to focus on my health" thing is completely outside of my realm of comfort. Completely. Cue anxiety and sweaty pits. Yes, people I sweat when I am nervous.

Taking a detour from said "plan" also breaks my heart. I worked very hard to get here. And by 'here' I mean get my undergraduate degree (it took me quite awhile to complete undergraduate because of the stinky chronic illness) and then get into graduate school. It has been my dream, for the past 7 years, to finish school and have a career, despite all of this medical stuff. So...naturally I am a little perturbed that this is not all going according to my "plan". I can imagine God finds all this amusing. My plan making and such. "Oh Dana, you and your silly life plans. If you only knew what I have planned". He also probably finds it amusing that I am quoting these words like its seriously something he 'said'...but I digress.

However, I do have a peace and an understanding about the fact that all of these things, including the rotten timing of this illness and surgery, are for a higher purpose. I also can, with the strength of my faithful God and the amazing people in my life, handle this. God's timing is perfect and divine. He is never wrong. Never. So I do trust that this will work out. However, I am still heartbroken and terrified. I am so frustratingly human.

This is a season of life I never expected to walk through. However, this next season is just that....a season. It shall pass.
Many people have been asking, the surgery is scheduled for April 18th. My family and I are truly grateful for all of the prayers, support, and encouragement we have received. We are in awe of how wonderful everyone has been. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you. I will pay you all in air hugs! :)

happiness, blessings, and just general awesomness

I think it is important to constantly remind myself of the blessings in my life. I know that sometimes it is hard to focus on the good. Believe me, sometimes all I want to do is pout in a corner and tell God how horrible I think things are on planet Earth. Sometimes I am sad, sometimes I am sick, sometimes I am heartbroken, sometimes I feel inadequate, sometimes I feel lonely, sometimes I feel unloved, and sometimes I feel just plain ANGRY for no reason or the biggest of reasons. However, we were never promised a perfect existence here on Earth. This is a fallen world. We tend to forget that and wonder why, if we believe in God (or don't), our lives aren't magically blissful, awesome, and problem free. I mean I am not trying to be a negative nancy. OF COURSE there are wonderful moments. This life can be so beautiful if you focus on the beauty. Thats my point really. Focus on the beauty. Focus on the Lord and you will be surprised how much your perspective will change. Even on the darkest of days.

Anywhoozer, all that to say...here is my list of happiness, blessing, and awesomeness in my life.
1. I have wonderful family. wonderful. Really, I could thank God for my family, every minute of my life and still never thank him enough. I am not just saying this because my family reads my blog or I want a present (barnes and noble giftcards are always accepted). Although that would be cool. God really has freely given me the most supportive, outwardly loving, patient, and super fun family. Thanks God.

2. I have wonderful friends. All types of friends. Thats the greatest part. All of my friends are so different and I have such a unique relationship with each of them. I love them all so much. so much.

3. I am going to be an aunt this year. If you know me, you know how much I adore babies and children. I have been secretly hoping I would be an aunt for 3 years now. I literally cried when they told me. I am so excited and I know Lauren and Josh will be awesome parents. This baby will be loved completely.

4. Access to education. I am blessed by the opportunity to learn at a higher level. I know I have been in school awhile and I will be for a little longer (sorry daddy-o) I try to remain grateful for the opportunity. Even though I wish I were done, I have to know what a gift it is. There are many that never have the opportunity.

5. My puppy! He really is precious. I am not an obsessive animal person or anything but I am obsessed with him. He is awesome. I'll prove it to you. Come over and I will show you how snuggly, loving, and well behaved he is. :)

6. My car! I love the stang. We have been together now for 7 years. I love the way she smells.

7.  Books. I love books. I want to write a book.

8. Candy. I love candy so, so, so much. Too bad I am a diabetic.

9. Wendy's twisted frosty (with chocolate chip cookie dough). Oh. My. Goodness. So good. So good.

10. I am grateful for my jobs. I work with children every day, whether I am at Sound Start, school, nannying, or kids city (lateChurch children's program -its volunteer, not work actually). I learn a lot from them. Sometimes they drive me nuts but they keep my life interesting.

11. I am grateful for music. Music has a way of helping me deal and cope. Music helps me to express the way I feel about people, love, situations and just life. Whether its sad or happy. I love to dance too. I am horrible at it but I love it. I also like singing but I am horrible at that too.

12. Panera bread. I am here now so I feel like I owe them a shout out.

13. I know this is weird, but I am grateful for my health issues. My disease has built my character, my strength, and my hope. I have met many people because of my illness also. Without my illness, I simply would not be the woman I am today.

14. I am grateful for people that are nerdy, weird, unique, funny, or posess other unique qualities. It is really refreshing to be around people that are okay with who they are, even if they are "different". 

Of course, I am grateful for my relationship with the Lord. I feel like on this blog, that goes without saying. However, I still want to give my main man upstairs a shout out. He is the source of all of this awesomeness. Without him, I simply would not be. What are you grateful for?

hospital happy list...

As some of you may know, I am once again in the glorious place known as the hospital. The hospital is, by far, my least favorite place to be in the world. Yet I seem to find myself here often. The times while I am in the hospital test my faith more than I would like for it to be tested. However, I usually learn more about my God and his faithfulness during these times than the easy times.
In order to keep myself far, far away from the doom and gloom attitude that I so easily go to, I am going to make a list. This is just a list of random things. Random, positive things that I learn, enjoy, or am grateful for while in the hospital. I will focus on the positive, praise Him in in the storm, and CHOOSE to be joyful.

My Hospital Happy List:
1. I can watch all day Law and Order SVU marathons without feeling guilty.
2. I get to literally see how much I am loved by people in my life via phone calls, flowers, cards, balloons, texts, hospital visits, facebook, emails, and much more.
3. My mom buys me new pajamas every time. I don't know why really, she just does.
4. I get to make friends with all the nurses on my hall. I know them all by now though, so its more like catching up with old friends.
5. I get to rely on God for everything.
6. I am humbled. I see how I simply cannot survive without my Lord and Savior.
7. I get to see miracles and answered prayers daily.
8. I chew lots of gum.
9. I watch lots of movies.
10. Towards the end of my hospital stay, I get to have slushies. Lots and lots of slushies. I sure do love slushies.
11. My faith is tested, I persevere, and I grow closer to Jesus.

This list was hard for me to make. It was my first instinct to create a long, long list of negative things about being sick. BUT...that is simply pointless. I will focus on the good. I trust that the Lord has a bigger plan for my life. Bigger than my chronic illness and bigger than this hospital bed. He is able, good, and faithful. I am right to trust in Him. Well then, that's all for now! Have a good day! I sure hope this post makes sense..sometimes I am a bit loopy in the hospital. :)
I love comments. Some people have told me it is hard for them to comment. If you would like to comment, comment as 'anonymous' option and if you want, leave your name in the comment. Thanks for reading!

Just some birthday wisdom for ya

Hey everyone!
Sorry it has been so long since I have last written! I have been really busy with getting all of my makeup work done from last semester.

I turned 23 last Friday! I am practically an old woman now. It really is weird to be getting this old. I know, I know I am still young and all that. It doesn't change the fact that I don't feel 23. I feel about 19 or 20. This birthday was a really good one. I have such wonderful family and friends that are so loving and thoughtful.

Some things I learned in my 22nd year:

1. God is still good. Even on days when circumstances aren't good.
   
2. I learned some really hard lessons about praising God through storms this year. I have had many "storms" this year. I have been sick more this year than I think I have in my entire life. However, I believe I am closer to God because of that.
   
3. I am stubborn.
4. I learned that screening phone calls is not good phone etiquette. People generally prefer you answer the phone or atleast return their calls.
   
5. It is easy to "fall from grace".
6. It is hard to accept that God loves me anyway, despite my falls.
7. Dogs are the best pets. Sorry cats.
   
8. Painting my fingernails makes me feel feminine.
   
9. I like feeling feminine. That fact doesn't make me weak.
10. People don't automatically know how you feel about them. It's important to show/tell them.
    
11. I learned to kayak.
    
12. The fine line between being a forgiving person and being a doormat.
    
13. Obeying God brings freedom and happiness. Really.
14. I don't like tofu.
15. I do like pears.
    
16. Patience really is a virtue.
17. Diets are pointless.
    
18. French fries are the most important member of my daily food intake.
    
19. With Christ I really can do anything. I can make it through the roughest times by relying on Him.
20. Yay is my favorite non-word!
    

Yay for being 23! What did you learn in your 22nd year?

Love Lessons

"Great is the Lord, so worthy of praise
Great is the Lord

One generation will commend Your kingdom
To one another they will speak of You
And I will meditate on Your wonder
And they, they will speak of Your glorious splendor
Of Your majesty, everyday I'll praise thee
Forever and ever

Everyday I will praise
For You open Your hand
And satisfy desires of all things
My God the King

The Lord is gracious
And slow to anger
He is rich in love
He is good to all

All who call on Him
In truth He is near to
And He hears their cry
And saves them."
-Psalm 145 - by Shane & Shane

Ok so I went to a wedding of a close friend this weekend. First of all let me say, it was one of the sweetest ceremonies I have ever attended. :) Their love (and others' too) is a testimony to God's gift to his children: love and marriage. Their relationship has renewed my faith in love and my faith in people. I guess it provided me with hope. Just general hope. Its something I have been lacking lately.

The song above, was played as the bride walked down the aisle and the lyrics were printed in the program. If you have never heard this song, I recommend that you do. Anywho, the lyrics of this song really inspired me, so I figured I should share.

Lately, I have been distancing myself from my faith in God and my faith in people. I guess I had decided that because I am sick and there is nothing anyone can do to help me right now, that I should resent God and resent everyone in my life. I think its okay every now and then to throw a pity party or throw a tantrum. But its high time I stop. When I am so richly blessed, I have no reason to be resentful. I have been acting like a child, pouting in a corner with my ears covered, yelling "I can't hear you God! I can't hear you! ". I have been trying to drown out the loving voice of my God and the loving voices of my friends and family. It stops today. I am putting on my big girl panties and dealing with it. Nope, no more tantrums. Atleast for now. I mean I am human.

Happy Father's Day!

Watch Shane & Shane perform this song! The video quality is not that good, but just listen to the song!

Hopelessly Hopeful

My name is Dana and I have a chronic illness.
There I said it. No more denial for me.
The first step is acceptance, right?

Its a part of me that I cannot deny. Yet it is a part of me that I try desperately to not let define me. I find my identity elsewhere.

I have gone through many phases of life and sickness. Coping with the sickness (or anything difficult in your life) is sometimes the hardest task. The physical pain or sickness is really the easiest part. I have yet to get this whole coping thing right. My coping tactics are constantly changing. I have gone through phases of expressing myself through poetry and journaling. I go through phases of strong reliance on my religious faith and God. And also phases of hatred toward a God that could do this to me. I have gone through times of depression. I have seen several counselors. I battle eating disorders (handling my anxiety in the wrong way..). Sometimes I pretend I have everything under control and that I am some kind of hero. I have even tried completely ignoring the fact that I am sick. Um. yeah, that didn't work out very well. Like I said, not all of my coping strategies have been helpful or healthy. Its all about learning from mistakes and figuring out what works best for you. I think. I am young and still learning...

Finding balance in all areas has been key for me lately. So...what does balance mean?? How the heck should I know? I am trying to just live healthy and not stress about what that means. I don't need MORE stress.

I hope sharing my experiences help you support someone you love or learn to cope with something yourself.

Through it all, I remain hopelessly hopeful!