the God of all Comfort

So yesterday in church, the sermon was written for me.

Okay, so maybe that isn't true, but I know we all feel that way at some point. We go in to church, not sure if you are going to get something out of it, and you walk out thinking: wow, did that preacher steal my journal?

Well that my friends, as you might know, is the Holy Spirit. It is the same thing as opening up the bible to a verse you have heard a gazillion times before, and it suddenly speaks to you. That verse all of a sudden carries fresh new meaning and totally changes your day, week, and maybe life.

Enough rambling, the sermon was based on scripture from 2 Corinthians 1: 3-4.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.
We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many.
2 Corinthians 1: 3-11 (NIV)

Ok, so thats a really long passage. The whole passage is amazing and holds much guidance, hope, and wisdom. However, if you don't feel like reading everything, just pleaseeeee read the bold print. That is the part of the scripture that I have been focusing on lately.

In dealing with a chronic illness, you have days where you just want to throw a pity party and invite the whole neighborhood to have pity on you too. Some days I wake up and all I can think about is how unfair my life is. How unfair it is that I am a "good" person and this has happened to me. Some people live all of their lives with wonderful health and never realize what a true GIFT that is, until one day it is taken from them. I feel as if I am alone at times. There are not a whole lot of young people struggling with the same illnesses I battle. And I cry, pout, and get angry. I usually take it out on the ones I love the most: my God, my family, and my best friends. Now thats what isn't fair.

Anywho, I was listening to Mike Holt, at Grace Community Church (try that church!), and it totally changed my perspective.
There are some things I learned about suffering (from his sermon)
- everyone suffers, no one is immune
- because I have specific experiences, I am an excellent comforter and counselor for those who are suffering in a similar way. I can relate to them and hopefully guide them. Most importantly, I can pray for them in a very specific way that maybe others can't because they haven't had the experience. He gave a good example, a wife that has recently been left by a husband will be best comforted by a woman who has had the same experience. There are thousands of other examples. Although God did not "do" this to me, I know that there is a reason. I struggle with illness so I can teach others to pick themselves up and go on with life. To passionately live life and enjoy life. Chronic illness cannot and will not take that away from me.

What I have come to learn over the past difficult years is this: I need to look at my situation as a blessing. I have the gift of waking up every morning knowing that I cannot do this life without God. I am humbled every morning. I have to rely on him for strength. God works best that way though, when I am weak, He is strong and it is more than enough for me. I know that sometimes our situations might be difficult but remember that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and God is waiting to help guide you there! :)

On another note, its too hot outside!!!! Have a great, hot and humid day!

Love Lessons

"Great is the Lord, so worthy of praise
Great is the Lord

One generation will commend Your kingdom
To one another they will speak of You
And I will meditate on Your wonder
And they, they will speak of Your glorious splendor
Of Your majesty, everyday I'll praise thee
Forever and ever

Everyday I will praise
For You open Your hand
And satisfy desires of all things
My God the King

The Lord is gracious
And slow to anger
He is rich in love
He is good to all

All who call on Him
In truth He is near to
And He hears their cry
And saves them."
-Psalm 145 - by Shane & Shane

Ok so I went to a wedding of a close friend this weekend. First of all let me say, it was one of the sweetest ceremonies I have ever attended. :) Their love (and others' too) is a testimony to God's gift to his children: love and marriage. Their relationship has renewed my faith in love and my faith in people. I guess it provided me with hope. Just general hope. Its something I have been lacking lately.

The song above, was played as the bride walked down the aisle and the lyrics were printed in the program. If you have never heard this song, I recommend that you do. Anywho, the lyrics of this song really inspired me, so I figured I should share.

Lately, I have been distancing myself from my faith in God and my faith in people. I guess I had decided that because I am sick and there is nothing anyone can do to help me right now, that I should resent God and resent everyone in my life. I think its okay every now and then to throw a pity party or throw a tantrum. But its high time I stop. When I am so richly blessed, I have no reason to be resentful. I have been acting like a child, pouting in a corner with my ears covered, yelling "I can't hear you God! I can't hear you! ". I have been trying to drown out the loving voice of my God and the loving voices of my friends and family. It stops today. I am putting on my big girl panties and dealing with it. Nope, no more tantrums. Atleast for now. I mean I am human.

Happy Father's Day!

Watch Shane & Shane perform this song! The video quality is not that good, but just listen to the song!

No News

It is always difficult to hear the news that there is no news.
I recently went to the MayoClinic in Rochester, MN. I was so impressed with the organization of the place. It really is a great hospital with wonderful doctors, nurses, and staff. However, there was just nothing they could do for me medically at this point. Basically, I just have to "keep on keepin' on." I actually really hate that saying. haha. But it fits.

I just need to focus on today. Focus on my life now and how special and blessed my life really is. I live my life sick physically but I am loved and happy.

More on MayoClinic visit later.

I am trying to keep hope that there will be help in the future. That old cliche, "Everything happens for a reason" is so annoying, but true.

The lyrics to the song "Hope Now" by Addison Road really helps me get out of my own situation and realize even if I don't feel good, I am never alone.

"Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free

When my life is like a storm
Rising waters all I want is the shore
You say I'll be ok and
Make it through the rain
You are my shelter from the storm"

Helps right? Yeah...I thought so too.

Here is the video of that song: Hope Now by Addison Road

Hopelessly Hopeful

My name is Dana and I have a chronic illness.
There I said it. No more denial for me.
The first step is acceptance, right?

Its a part of me that I cannot deny. Yet it is a part of me that I try desperately to not let define me. I find my identity elsewhere.

I have gone through many phases of life and sickness. Coping with the sickness (or anything difficult in your life) is sometimes the hardest task. The physical pain or sickness is really the easiest part. I have yet to get this whole coping thing right. My coping tactics are constantly changing. I have gone through phases of expressing myself through poetry and journaling. I go through phases of strong reliance on my religious faith and God. And also phases of hatred toward a God that could do this to me. I have gone through times of depression. I have seen several counselors. I battle eating disorders (handling my anxiety in the wrong way..). Sometimes I pretend I have everything under control and that I am some kind of hero. I have even tried completely ignoring the fact that I am sick. Um. yeah, that didn't work out very well. Like I said, not all of my coping strategies have been helpful or healthy. Its all about learning from mistakes and figuring out what works best for you. I think. I am young and still learning...

Finding balance in all areas has been key for me lately. So...what does balance mean?? How the heck should I know? I am trying to just live healthy and not stress about what that means. I don't need MORE stress.

I hope sharing my experiences help you support someone you love or learn to cope with something yourself.

Through it all, I remain hopelessly hopeful!

Valleys

Today I decided to start this blog. I have always considered publishing, in some way, my writing that is based on my life experiences. But today someone suggested actually creating a blog. I didn't really consider it because I don't know much about blogging. I couldn't get the idea off of my mind, so I decided to just give it a try!

Basically the main point of this blog is to share my experiences in life. It is a great outlet for me and hopefully helpful to someone else.

I was diagnosed with a chronic illness when I was 4 years old. Ever since then I have been in and out of hospitals and doctor's offices. After living with chronic illness for 20 years, I guess I know a lot about being a patient and learning to deal with illness.

This blog is just my thoughts on being 22, living with chronic illness, and all the crazy ins and outs of life. yay! :)